An open letter to Lindsay Lohan

Now Lindsay, I try not to get into the whole celebrity body thing, about how people are too skinny or too fat whatever. I was teased in high school, and I know what it's like to have bullies after me quite well.

But honey, please, for the love of god, STOP POSING NAKED! I just really don't want to see another picture of your vagina flashed across the internet. I didn't want to see it the first time, but every where I look, Oh! Lindsay's naked again!

I know that you've had a shitty upbringing. Your parents are quite obviously trainwrecks that couldn't parent their way out of a wet paper bag, but people have overcome worse to become successful. It is true that even me at 21, I would like to just give you a big motherly hug and maybe make you a nutritious dinner. My parental instincts are buried DEEP DEEP down, and will be released years from now, but when I see the flatness in your eyes, they rear their head.

I remember when you used to be hot, and looked like this:

Now, you look like this:

Now, Lindsay. Seriously. Is this what you dreamed for yourself after getting out from under the veil if Disney? I swear, Mean Girls and Freaky Friday were kind of a guilty pleasure of mine.

Also, in this picture:

This does not make me want to have sex with you. And believe me, I can appreciate a hot girl, but man oh man, this turns me off in a way that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to be attracted to another human being, woman OR man.

That poor guy probably got up that morning and was like yes!! I get to pretend to have sex with Lindsay Lohan today! And then you showed up, lit your cigarette (don't even get me started on that, either) and laid on the bed. You look bored, and he looks emo and sad, like he's trying to revive you rather than hump you. Which he probably was.

I feel really malicious writing something like this, but I am so frustrated about the message that you are giving out to little girls everywhere. This is not what girls should strive to be, and when they remember you from Disney movies, they may think this is where the natural progression should be. I sincerily hope that the girls out there that once looked up to you have awesome Moms that steered them towards proper female heros.

On that note, Beyonce, Rihanna and Lady Gaga, feel free to get nakeder.

Love,
Annalee.